The Cake

What It Means to Be an Unconventional Woman

A few lessons I’ve learned from the generations before me

AT
ZORA
Published in
4 min readOct 30, 2019

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Credit: kate_sept2004/Getty

TThe last few months, I’ve been reflecting on the people who have raised, shaped, and molded me. Those people have mostly been Black women, but more specifically my mother, Diana, and maternal grandmother, Eva. Both of their lives exemplified what it meant to push boundaries by being courageous and daring, but more importantly, being themselves.

I would say “being yourself” was a motto I heard the most and clung to the hardest as a child, and even today. I couldn’t be myself if I didn’t have the examples of strength, grace, fierceness, humor, and love that my grandmother provided and passed down to my mother, who then in turn passed them along to me. (Although I’m still a work in progress.)

I know how my mom shaped and prepared me for life based on her lived experiences and worldview, but what were the moments that shaped her? What were the examples from my grandma Eva that resonated with my mom?

The following has been edited for clarity.

Anastasia Tarpeh-Ellis: Mom, what is something unconventional Grandma did?

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AT
ZORA
Writer for

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