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We Sell Out in Little Ways All the Time: Why Don’t We Talk About It More?
We need to be kinder to ourselves for being imperfect
I have a secret — I lean solidly progressive and yet still bank with Wells Fargo. Yes, the Wells Fargo that funded the Dakota Access Pipeline, created millions of fraudulent accounts in customers’ names, and discriminated against low-income customers and communities of color in its lending practices. No, I don’t feel good about it either. But despite my understanding that all of these critiques are true and that as an entity Wells Fargo perpetuates harm, I still bank with them. That’s what I’ve always done, and on this particular issue for whatever reason, I don’t feel a strong urge — despite my clear discomfort — to do otherwise.
It wasn’t easy to write that paragraph. As I was researching the articles to hyperlink, I could feel my stomach twisting. I wondered if writing this piece was a mistake, and if admitting this fact would make my communities think less of me. But it helped to know that I’m far from the only one that’s felt this way.
Many of us imagine that when a moral dilemma or crisis finds us, at some point in our long lives, that our steadfast values will show us the right decision to make. It turns out that, not only do these dilemmas and crises happen all the time, but when they do, making the right call is almost always more complicated than we imagine it to be.
Sometimes two or more of our strongest beliefs, values or identities are pitted up against each other and we’re forced to take a side. Other times, core aspects of ourselves suddenly become obstacles to our long-term goals, ambitions, or dreams and we’re forced to reconcile who we are with what we want. Or perhaps we make a decision that feels utterly mundane in the moment, only days, months, or years later realize that we compromised ourselves.
In short, we sell out. We find ourselves in positions where we compromise our morals, our values, or our social causes, whether subconsciously or purposefully, in favor of a more easeful way of living, even when we feel really bad about it.
We like thinking of ourselves positively — and dwelling on our complicity is draining…
