We Have to Get Out of Our Feelings and Objectively Listen to Rationally Respond

Everyone is not Against You

Black Women in Conversation | Photo by Christina Morillo

I get it. As a Black woman living in a world where I am constantly reminded by the media, Black advocates, and attempted oppressors that I am the most marginalized, under-valued, disrespected person in America, it can seem like everyone and everything is against me. That is if I allow that perception to be my reality…but that’s a different article.

Perhaps it is my STEM and leadership backgrounds that have taught me to be data-driven and think like a man while being a lady in the office. I have witnessed subjective versus objective conversations and learned that subjective discussions driven by bias lead to miscommunication marked by the inability to truly hear what a person is saying because your mind is so definitive in your position. When your emotions are more open than your mind, you are more subjective than objective.

For clarity, to be subjective is to be emotionally driven, and to be objective is to be fact-driven. To apply this to conversations, whether you are listening or speaking, to be subjective is to speak or listen from a biased, emotional perspective while being objective allows you to put your emotions away and hear a perspective that is beyond the layer of your bias.

I will give you a perfect example. Just the other day on Twitter, I corrected a Black woman. There is a picture circulating of the real-life ages of the characters of the Jamie Foxx show. She commented, stating that the aunt, who was 36, was acting older and that was the way Hollywood saw dark-skinned Black women. I had to correct her to let her know that there is a similar picture circulating about the all-white cast of Cheer’s, and they all were much younger in real life than they appeared on the show.

See how her bias made her think something was about her when it wasn’t. Her subjective view was based on one picture. My objective view was based on two pictures.

Now, let’s discuss Emmanuel Acho. I know…calm down. Breathe. Here comes some tough love.

Emmanuel stated that he was giving a “gender-neutral, racially indifferent take” on Angel Reese’s comments about the harassment she has received. That means that he…