Things We Don’t Need Right Now: DMs From Our Exes
‘Random messages from your ex’ is the new virus sweeping the nation
It started out as a typical day. I was working from home (like most of us) and had taken a break from a round of editing when I received the message that would throw my whole day off course. Brief in length, but heavy in its audaciousness nonetheless, I shook my head in disbelief (?) when I realized who the note came from.
“Stay safe out there,” he wrote. “Don’t catch the virus.”
With the strength of Harriet Tubman and all 300-plus slaves she freed, I took a deep sigh and rolled my eyes. It was just eight words. Eight appropriate words considering the climate. Eight correctly spelled words. Eight safe words, but any girl who’s ever endured a break up knows that when those eight words come from an ex they indicate more than just well wishes.
In all my years of dating, I’ve always been “impressed” with the sheer audacity and opportunism that exists within most of my ex-boyfriends. The gall to assume that after everything that’s transpired in our relationship, they still think they have access to me is mind boggling. As if the typical intrusions via Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s “Happy Holidays” text messages aren’t enough, I can now expect to have my peace and…
