Being a Mom in a Pandemic Is the Hardest Thing I’ve Ever Done
Some days I find myself watching the clock too often, waiting for my kids’ bedtime. I really hate myself those days, knowing that I’m anxiously awaiting the moment they are tucked into bed.
I really am obsessed with my children, just like every mother. I take every opportunity to hug and kiss them and remind them that I love them. But I am crushed under my burdens these days. And I know as a working mother, I am not alone here.
It’s been several months since my children have been stuck at home and out of in-person learning, and in those months, I have played the part of planner, house manager, chef, scheduler, accountant, homeschool teacher, and counselor to loved ones both in and outside the home. I have held my daughter tight more than once as she has sobbed in her bed, crying about missing her friends and her activities. All of these stresses in addition to my career where I play frontline doctor, administrator, educator, budding researcher, informaticist, and emailer extraordinaire.
I admit that a deficit in time, a lack of creativity, and stress are my biggest enemies with respect to parenting. When school was still in person, I took things for granted — I never felt I did enough to educate my kids outside of their schoolwork or further engage their minds. The part of my brain for arts and crafting is completely out of service. While I was so stressed by virtual learning, when school is partially in person it will be no better. Because I will still have to juggle our schedules and think of ways to fill their days outside of nonstop screen time.
I am doing a little bit of so many things, and I am doing none of them well.
I am more exhausted than I have ever been in my life. I find myself frustrated, impatient, my mind overflowing with an endless to-do list. During a time when there is so much to teach my kids to ensure they grow up to be good humans, I can barely muster the energy. When my six-year-old doesn’t understand discussions of racism I find myself frustrated rather than just telling myself she is young and this will just be something I have to…