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My Parents Are Married, But My Dad Has a Mistress
It’s complicated
My parents met at a party in New York City during a double date in the early ’70s. The couples switched partners because my mother and father had better chemistry. Less than a year later, they married.
They are technically still married, but have been separated for over two decades. I assumed they loved each other dearly in the beginning of their marriage. Once, I came across one of my mother’s journal pages in which she wrote, “He was fly”; a reference to my dad.
Recently, when I asked my dad about my mother, he said, “I loved her.” He paused then added, “She’s a very nice lady. But in a relationship, you need trust and communication.”
He was gingerly talking about their relationship, perhaps assuming I hadn’t observed and experienced snippets of things that led to their failed marriage.
Outside of family vacations, I don’t recall many tenderhearted moments and loving words between them. They talked, but it was sometimes cordial tinged with frustration. My dad often accused my mother of mismanaging family finances while my mother accused him of cheating. They were right about each other.
When I was a child, certain phone calls were a signal. The phone would ring once. Then the person hung up and called back. If my siblings, mother, or I answered the phone the second time around, the person hung up. If my dad answered, he kept the conversation short, stilted. My mother lamented that it was my “father’s woman.”
Calls like these happened frequently. My mother was likely right about the caller.
As an adult, I dubbed that woman Mistress Lady even though I knew her name.
My mother raised me, and growing up, my relationship with my dad was mostly distant. We became close when I was in college. After years of working on our relationship, I’m now a daddy’s girl. My dad calls me his Number One or The Commander. We talk every other day. He asks how I’m feeling. Tells me to try my best. Inquires about my work and so forth. We launch into a series of I love yous followed by God bless you before hanging up. We talk about everything but Mistress Lady; we never talk about her even though they live together. Every time I…
