Member-only story
My Family Shamed Me About My Relationship With Food
The topic of eating disorders in the Black community has been taboo for too long
“I have to ask, do you really think if you eat that, you will lose weight?”
I looked up to see my father fixated on my position. “Well?” He asked again, voice inflected in the way it does when he is becoming impatient for a response.
I looked down at my plate of rice, vegetables, and turkey, its color palette, size, and composition identical to those around me. My siblings, by my side, are cowering from the tension. Silence slinks in like an unwelcome guest and makes a nest.
Ever since I was young I have always been told I should lose weight, my parents even going to extremes such as letting everyone but me order dessert when eating out. They would eat theirs while I sat and watched.
My weight issues were free rein amongst visitors and family members, so much so that I could stand by them and hear laughter followed by comments such as “aka simba.” Translation being: “She’s fat/bigger.”
There was lecture after lecture from them on my health, though all mealtimes were communal so we were all eating the same food — bread and eggs, rice and chicken, sadza and stew, etc. When I would attempt to clean up my diet or exercise, I would get lectured again, this time on my obsession with diets and health. My weight issues were free rein amongst visitors and family members, so much so that I could stand by them and hear laughter followed by comments such as “aka simba.” Translation being: “She’s fat/bigger.”
I remember trips to the seaside in Scarborough, where my siblings could splurge on ice cream, donuts, and fish and chips, while I was only allowed to pick one of those things. There were also times in my childhood when I would be applauded for not eating.
Looking at my earlier pictures is always confusing and upsetting due to how small I appear, especially in comparison to how I am now — I am noticeably a few sizes bigger (from a UK size 10 to a 14/16 today), my face is chubbier and less defined, and…
