Member-only story
I Love Your Complexion!
And other micro-assaults on Black women
Against my better judgment, I was having dinner with a White man. Not a work dinner or a networking thing — a date. Rhys was nice-looking, funny, new in town, and persistent about helping me weed our overgrown community garden. Persistent, too, about taking me to some “jazz club” I was sure to love.
He regaled me with stories of his woke liberal politics (Hillary) and his commitment to equality (Black Lives Matter). And then, as he ordered a second bottle of wine, he delivered the ultimate compliment — “You are such a beautiful woman. I just love your complexion. You could be Italian or something!”
Bad enough that he didn’t know the difference between a jazz band and a swing band.
My life as a Black woman in America has trained me to “feed White men with a long-handled spoon,” as my grandmother would say. I can never relax completely, even in casual interactions. I’m always on guard, always preparing for the assault. And too often, it comes in the form of microaggressions, micro-insults, and micro-invalidations.
Microaggressions include demeaning comments made by well-intentioned White people who may not be consciously aware of the hidden messages.
