Five Things
I Know I Should Ask for Help, I’m Learning to Feel It Too
The person I want to be asks for what they need. I’m getting there.
One.
I’m less afraid of deadlines now that I don’t believe they offer any particular insight into my worth as a human being. That’s a new feeling. I mean, I’ve known it was true for much longer than I’ve felt sure. Teaching myself to do things differently — to see myself differently — always includes this gap in understanding, these long stretches of time where my mind is convinced and my body is not. I’ve learned not to be too angry at myself for this process. I’ve learned to talk and self-soothe my way through it. And I’ve learned that I’ll have doubts, and the cycle will begin again. I just have to talk about it and ask for help. Which sounds so simple even when it feels like it might kill me.
My fear of deadlines fades with each assignment filed, but asking for help remains a source of shame when it should not, which I promise I already know. There is nothing else I could read or listen to or watch, no conversation I could have, program I could enter, or entity I could worship to relieve the pain of this wound. It’s just something I’ve got to practice, teach myself to do like any other skill. Like I taught myself to cook for two and…
