I Cannot Change What Happened in My Childhood
Understanding my struggle with anxious attachment
The root of all suffering is attachment, and to be anxiously attached to people, places, and things is to experience intense suffering.
Our attachment style is said to reflect our relationship with our caregivers as children. It's a direct reflection of the way we were cared for as babies.
Growing up, my caregivers didn’t really get me. I was quite different. My interests were different and I wanted different things. I asked a lot of questions and craved a different kind of love and affection but my needs were not fully met.
My caregivers were inconsistent in their parenting styles, sometimes engaging and responsive to my needs, and other times distracted and neglectful. They could not consistently comfort me during my desperate times of need and I experienced confusing, frightening emotional communication. This left a void in me. It left behind a strong need to be filled.
I grew up feeling anxious and uncertain about whether my needs would be met, and the void left me feeling unworthy, leading me to develop this anxious attachment style. Living with an anxious attachment style has been extremely challenging.
