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How Crying South Asian Brides Became a Symbol of the Patriarchy
While their big day may bring on a lot of emotions, the crying is much more complicated than you’d think
Losing a job, going through a heartbreak, or coping with loss are all commonly associated with emotional exhaustion, but what about weddings? Many South Asian Muslim brides deferred to agony and despair when asked to describe their weddings.
“Ultimately, I ended up in my parents’ bed, fetal position, just bawling my eyes out,” said Seham Siddiqui, an Indian American Muslim bride. She admits she rushed into marriage due to her personal excitement and an internalized urge to wed; and then divorced her ex-husband a few years afterwards due to red flags.
On her wedding night, Siddiqui was experiencing whiplash from the realization that her entire life was going to change immediately after the big day. She was simultaneously packing and crying the night before — overwhelmed, yet content with achieving the acclaimed wife status that South Asian women are often taught to aspire towards from a very young age. Like Siddiqui, many Muslim South Asians choose to marry because of a combination of pressure from family, a deep desire to satisfy internalized expectations, and/or a thrill from opening a new door in life.
Marriages within the South Asian Muslim community are incredibly important, holding the purpose to preserve the Islamic religion through the creation of a family. “For many women, their wedding is the moment at which they come to be seen as adults. It’s a big shift in social and family status,” says Sneha Krishnan, PhD, Associate Professor in Human Geography at the University of Oxford. “They can also be markers of class and social status.”
Emotional South Asian Muslim brides are the norm during weddings. Viral videos of brides sobbing and Bollywood depictions only provide a glimpse into the world of conjugal somberness intimately tied to weddings from Bangladesh, Pakistan, India, and the diaspora.
Traditionally, South Asian Muslim marriages were arranged and women did not have agency to decide their futures. Tears were associated with the loss of innocence, ease, and home. While arranged marriages are still performed…
