Member-only story
XOXO
On Dating, Desire, and Sex In Your 40s
How women of color can reclaim relationships for the 21st century
I am a 40-year-old Black woman and I am as single as a dollar bill.
Don’t feel bad for me, because I’m not at all lamenting being single. I’ve been married, divorced, and I’ve had a couple of long-term relationships. Now, I choose to be single and am actively navigating the dating scene as an older, wiser, more focused woman. Admittedly, in the past, I’ve been discouraged by the idea that a woman’s value relies on her relationship status. And like many others, I’ve been especially overwhelmed by all of the research and data suggesting nearly half of Black women will struggle way into their older ages to find equal partners to settle down with unless they date outside of their race. I’m happy to say that I’ve finally reached a point when I don’t feel any pressure to compromise or sacrifice what’s important to me in order to be in a relationship. It’s been an eye-opening experience and, dare I say, empowering.
For many women in their forties, having an intimate connection with someone we can share ourselves with, have great fun, and have amazing sex would be cool, but it doesn’t seem to be a top priority. The biggest difference I’ve noticed in dating now versus dating in our twenties is…
