Feeling Safe At School: Supporting Students’ Mental Health Needs and Emotional Security

Families and school district leaders nationwide are gnashing their teeth and losing sleep over what back to school will look like for students and educators. Rising numbers in all but a handful of states prove that the COVID-19 pandemic is far from over, with Coronavirus cases exceeding the CDC statistics that led school buildings to close in March. Sucked into a vortex of decision-making based on fluctuating data, health and safety assessments and political/economic impact — what will we do? A great debate is waging. Should students return face to face? Should educators continue virtual instruction for at least a quarter or two? Can students and parents manage a rotating schedule or hybrid approach to learning? The answers vary widely based on state politics, district population, resources and local COVID spread levels. It is overwhelmingly clear that many parents don’t feel heard; nor do teachers and school staff feel valued when urged to return to cramped classrooms with minimal personal protective equipment, cleaning supplies, and unclear processes for applying CDC recommendations. We worry about what returning to school in person means for the health of ourselves and our families. How can COVID be contained when in a normal school year runny noses are passed around as frequently as shared crayons? Conversely, parents working from home with multiple children, and those who must work outside of their homes to provide for their families, are unsure how to logistically supervise and support their students with distance learning. At the center of this swirling uncertainty are our students and children — hanging in the balance and watching us agonize over adult choices that are at times even beyond our control. Ready or not, virtual or face to face — the first day of school is approaching. The argument of the day is are schools safe enough for our physical health? But, what about our mental health? The stress, anxiety and depression many have fought through during quarantine is only getting worse. Educators and parents are struggling to keep it together. The weight and stakes of returning to school are raising tensions in households everywhere. When we are upset and overwhelmed, anxiety pours into our children. It informs how we treat one another. We may find ourselves short on patience and less likely to tune into how our kids are feeling. They have already been through so much watching the world change around them. Since schools closed some may have lost family members to COVID, lost friends due to social isolation, and lost the opportunity to feel simultaneously free and secure as they’ve embraced a “new normal”. We must begin thinking about how to help our children feel safe this fall, no matter where or how they are learning.

Directly following the importance of food, water and other physical needs is the critical need to feel safe, stable and secure. This is true for all humans and certainly for children. The Hierarchy of Needs pyramid is a psychological theory proposed by Abraham Maslow in “A Theory of Human Motivation”. In brief, his 5-tier pyramid is meant to reflect the process of developing personal growth and well-being. The understanding is that only when our most basic needs are met can we be motivated towards learning, changing unhelpful behaviors, and eventually become our best selves. If you ask people to list their most basic needs, most would cite food, water and shelter. One might propose that shelter is a wish — not a need. The true necessity is what shelter represents: a place of covering and protection where a person feels safe and secure. This could mean a physical structure, but more over it is the feeling. Hence the old adages, “home is where the heart is” or, “home is wherever I’m with you”. For children that sense of safety is almost always tied to home and/or school — the two places where they spend most of their time. We aspire to have guardians and educators in the lives of children who create a safety net of love and support. When children are well cared for at home and encouraged at school, they are most likely to thrive. Kids from a loving home can suffer tremendously in unsafe schools as victims of bullying or educational marginalization. Young people from troubled family systems may find school their only safe zone and the place where they receive the love they need to progress in life. The latter instance is in fact why it is so critical for us to work towards opening schools again — when the time is right.

As a professional school counselor, it’s not lost on me that monthly, in-person at school, I conduct anywhere from 1 to 5 CRISIS interventions and DFCS referrals. It has been a challenge to create the same level of confidential support and communication with my students virtually, but it is possible. We have been working around the clock in session and over the summer to do the work. Supporting virtual learning, making sure families have food and access to technology, helping families who have lost income and loved ones due to COVID-19, stretching our own tech skills, addressing learning gaps and strategies for kiddos at home, leading mental health programs and yoga/mindfulness initiatives for community and staff, etc . The urgent need for emotional support in communities is critical. It’s frustrating, especially given that some people can’t understand how defunding the police and reallocating funds to education and social services can help close some of these gaps. Whether in-person or working remotely we will nurture our students’ understanding that settings and circumstances change but our care remains. We can commit to being there — 6 feet away or on the screens of their devices. And while they may not feel our arms around them, we must still wrap them in love somehow, someway.

What makes children feel safe? We do. Our reliability in the face of their uncertainty. Our steadfast presence and reassurance. Knowing what to expect. Knowing we will do anything in our power to protect them. When the adults who kids depend on dwell in fear, so do they. Our fears and concern for ourselves and our families are valid; there is a real threat to our health for us to guard against. However, it is time to steel our backs and face our children so that they may not carry these burdens with them into the fall. As we make tough decisions about what school will look like for our families, or prepare to return to work as educators, we must always remember the watching eyes of children we love. They are who we are fighting for. By sharing information with them, developing a preparedness plan and setting expectations we create the best possible offense for a healthy outcome.

Share Information With Your Student

Depending on your appetite we devour a heap of news daily. We engage with media in a way where being in the know can quickly turn into being overwhelmed. Our kids are watching too. They may not be savvy enough to vet their sources, or expressive enough to process their worries with us. They are also listening to caretakers speak our concerns to friends, family and colleagues. We must get clear on the facts and share what is developmentally appropriate with our children and students. Be prudent and honest about what is going on and how it will impact their learning lives — in school or out. Allow students the opportunity to share their fears and assure them that you are making carefully considered, informed choices on their behalf.

Prepare Your Student

Once the decisions have been made about learning, how will you and your student prepare? These may be primarily tangible needs — access to technology, instructional support, food and housing security, responsible supervision, etc. We have just a small window to figure it out. As adults it is our duty to find these resources or investigate programs to receive assistance. Community cooperation is crucial. Think not just of yourself, but your neighbor. Get involved. Experience, knowledge, time, money, connections — share what you have and ask for what you need. Preparing also means anticipating new school procedures and protocol. Acquire masks and cleaning supplies, walk through daily remote learning schedules, secure a tutor, invest in virtual mental health counseling, organize virtual or small group playtime with friends, practice how to socially distance on the school bus, determine whether or not to participate in fall sports and extracurricular activities for example. Think ahead and develop your plan. Give your family time to accept the circumstances and feel ready for the changes ahead.

Set Expectations With Your Student

Lots has changed but what we expect from our students should remain true. Circumstances are different yes, and we must be sensitive to how our children respond to the many ways life and school are just not the same right now. While meeting mastery is the standard and exceeding is the goal, we must also impress upon our children the lifelong value of tenacity, resilience and hard-work as a success-driving values. Establish expectations for them to put forth their best efforts and to be transparent about obstacles that effect their learning and well-being. Connect with teachers and determine the best way to communicate about student gains and gaps. Being nervous about entering school buildings cannot mean detaching from the joy of learning. Being home doesn’t mean a free for all.

Our students’ emotional and mental health at this moment in history is tantamount to their academic progress and career readiness. Despite all we are up against or uncertain of, our kids can, at the very least, be alright. They might also surprise us with their flexibility, ingenuity and discipline if we make sure that they feel safe and protected. Their perspective will reflect ours. Our attitude will set the tone for their own level of comfort and confidence. Promise our students we will be with them this fall, no matter where that might be.