What it Really Takes to “Level Up” in Love
We don’t have to dim ourselves to get what we want. It’s out there.
When California rapper Saweetie appeared on Instagram Live with her boyfriend, Quavo, and told women that a man isn’t worth dating “if he’s not getting you a Birkin,” it sparked a heated debate about women and their standards. How high is too high? But for me, that brief viral moment called to mind a real virtual movement taking place among Black women who dream of securing the bag, even if not a $100,000 Birkin, by leveling up.
Every day a new guru emerges with trade secrets for Black women who want to learn to be “feminine” in order to attract wealthy men. They are a part of a rapidly growing online community that embraces hypergamy — the practice of marrying a spouse of higher social status.
I get it. Some Black women have become so jaded in their pursuit of love, they’ve settled on the pursuit of money instead. And while I agree that Black women deserve to level up in every way imaginable, I’m wary that the ideas peddled in these hypergamous hives may be hindering them from doing just that.
We have Ciara to thank for the now-ubiquitous term “level up.” Her 2019 comeback song championed personal growth, while also being a thinly veiled reference to an Instagram post that implied single women did not have the right “spirit” for marriage. Today, much like the song, the “level up” movement blurs the boundaries between female empowerment and reproach, recycling a motley of regressive, superficial ideas about femininity taken from religious conservatism, celebrity culture, and the “trad” community, an offshoot of the misogynist “red pill” movement, which embraces traditional gender roles. A quick trip down the YouTube rabbit hole reveals titles like “femininity training,” “how to become high value,” “masculine traits to avoid,” and even “I changed my hair to become more feminine.”
Black women are seeking love in a society that believes they are better suited for labor and sex, and we should be wary of advice that attempts to solve problems created by racism and misogyny by leaning more deeply into it.
