I’m Black and Asexual. Stop Being So Surprised.

What it’s like to not exactly fit into society’s stereotypes of Black women

Photo: Nolwen Cifuentes/Getty Images
  1. I rarely tolerated physical affection from my partners.
  2. Sometimes the idea of sex was abhorrent to me, but sometimes it wasn’t.

There shouldn’t be any shock or anger when a Black woman doesn’t want to have sex with you. Our bodies belong to ourselves.

Walking home from the bar, I wondered if other people had similar assumptions about me and my sexuality. I spent that night examining my previous relationships. I remembered the way every single one of them seemed to believe that I must’ve been messing around with someone new because what other reason did I have for losing interest in our sex life? I’d written it off as consistently bitter exes, but maybe they weren’t bitter — maybe they were confused. Maybe it was next to impossible for people to see me, a Black woman, and understand that I just wasn’t a sexual being.

Sexuality exists on a spectrum, and Black people exist within it.

A young Black girl shouldn’t have to worry every time she steps out the door because the world can’t seem to understand that our innocence doesn’t have an expiration date. There shouldn’t be any shock when a little Black girl tells someone she wears her clothes for herself and not to attract the attention of others. There shouldn’t be any shock or anger when a Black woman doesn’t want to smile for you or talk to you or have sex with you. Our bodies belong to ourselves.

I’m just a Jamaican-British writer trying to make things work in a big world. Find me on twitter @db_mckenzie.

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